Kristina,

I wanted to write you a letter to let you know how much I love you, but it didn’t seem like a letter would be enough. We do not have a lot of money and no room in the budget for buying you something for our anniversary, so I guess I will have to revert back to what I know you love: a letter from the heart.

It was 5 years ago today that we exchanged our vows behind Crazy Ed’s Satisfied Frog. That sentence is almost as funny as the way you discovered that wedding venue. the whole journey is another reminder of how wonderfully and masterfully God had woven us together, long before we discovered His plan for our life together: a plan that continues to unfold before and around us. I want to tell you two things, things you always say to me: 1) “I am so glad it is you” and 2)”You are a treasure”. I never imagined, in my wildest dreams, this is how much fun I would have being married. Praise God.

In the 5 years we’ve been married, I feel we’ve grown closer together because of how amazing you are. You make it easy for me to be broken, wrong, flawed, misguided, stubborn and selfish without feeling like I have to hide those characteristics. You’ve created a home where I can be transparent in who I am, and then gently and humbly come along side of me and love me through it all. You know that God repairs my brokenness, and you lay no claim of control or needing to fix me. All the things I am, you accept and love me without reservation and have made that clear from the very beginning.

If somebody had told me that I would feel differently toward you today than I did on our wedding day, I would have no believed it: but it is so very true. On that day, I loved you more than I thought possible to ever love any woman. On that day, I thought that I might even love you more than I loved myself (not true by the way…but I think you knew that too). Today I look back and see how that was only a portion of how I love you today.

That’s right, I’m holding out (Do you hear it? “I love you more today than yesterday…”)

Today, I want to tell you how I feel when I look at you, and just as it was on that wooden bridge in Cave Creek this day in 2007, nothing I could write would do justice to the feelings I have for you. I give thanks to the Lord for His choosing you to be my bride. I give thanks to the Lord for giving me understanding on who I am and a desire to pursue the man God calls me to be: to love you as Christ loves the church.

I see God in the wonderful things you are as a woman, so different from me. Thank you for being my wife and serving by my side. I heard a song and it made me think of you. Honestly, It gave me something to pray and think about. I’ve included the video here for you. I’m not sure what the artist had in mind when he created this wonderful melody, but I know what I feel when I hear the words: What my bride needs.

Looking forward to all the time we are given and grateful to our Father for all the joy I have in my life…and the wonderful skill and craftsmanship in the wrapping of such a gift.

Your husband,

Wayne

I am blessed to have a job at all, but feel truly blessed and highly favored to have a job where I feel inspired to contribute to the change coming. As a man, it speaks to the deepest part of my soul to have found a place where adventure is on the menu. While driving home tonight I spoke to Kristina on the phone and knew I would get there first. Even though I knew I was coming home to a house with only the dogs to hear me, I loved saying the cliche phrase “Honey: I’m Home”. I laughed a bit and then fell into the tasks of the evening. I like what the new normal is going to be for our home. I praise God for His provision and ask He guide me to be a good steward of these resources.

In Christ,

Wayne

For the last 10 years, I took great pride in my ability to maintain my performance to either “Meet Expectations” or “Exceeds Expectations”. It was becoming almost effortless to score over 90% customer satisfaction scores on performance surveys, and there has always been a little bit of an ego connected to that score. From ego, it is a short trip to entitlement and I have always found it difficult to deal with a person who conducts himself with an attitude of entitlement…and this was the man I was becoming. For the last 2 years I have stayed at my job for the money and no other reason. I was convinced that I was doing what I need to provide for my home, family and community.

I started my support career with this software in November 2001 at a local call center here in Tucson, Arizona. The summer of 2006, this software package was sold to a corporation located in Portland, Oregon and I was offered the opportunity to continue in my position as a support analyst as a remote employee. On October 16th, 2006 I transitioned to a work from home position. Over the last 5 years I have been blessed to find the woman God made for me, a home where we can build a life, and a calling to serve our community. This past year has been rough as I started to see the edges of a plan God has me. It was rough because I started holding on tighter to the things I thought were making me a good man: He made it very clear that I was trying to control my life by holding onto the ‘Big Money’ job.

This past Fall, Kristina and I attended ‘Financial Peace University’ by the grace of God, because we we’re originally going to pass because we could not afford it. Our tuition was gifted to us and a kit arrived on our door with an invitation to change our lives. We are still working out the details of becoming debt free but the end is in sight, a very cool feeling to have. What we learned (or relearned) was how to create and use a budget to see how we are spending, and this was some much needed knowledge that contributed to our decision. God made it possible for me to see what I really needed to provide for the home and family He has blessed me with.

Over the last 12 months I have struggled to do my job with a joyful heart. I would always take care of the customer and was able to maintain customer satisfaction above the minimum required score. I have always had a heart to serve the customer calling for help, where I struggled most was serving the company I worked for in the ways they request. I was missing deadlines for several things I should have been doing as part of my job. I was not using the tools provided to the level I should to ensure they were valid for other analysts. I had no joy in my heart for what I was doing and was beginning to slip into an area where I did the minimum required to keep my job.

The true test on my heart came from Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,”: I was working for my own selfishness and to maintain the illusion of control. Working from home, I had very little opportunity to interact with anybody and I was beyond ready to be out of the house doing whatever came my way, and when we started asking for a way out it was provided. The job offer had been talked about for quite some time before it actually came, but I was encouraged to be patient and wait as I was confident that it would happen (Colossians 1:11 - May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy).

The offer which came offered the opportunity to use all of my skills and talents in a similar capacity. It gives me the opportunity to not make it about the money but the job, which I am very excited about. I have a vague idea of what I will be doing, only as much as conversation and job description will allow. I will be given the opportunity to learn new skills and improve the ones I have.

A dear friend of mine who is a pastor at a local church here in Tucson has said many times in his sermons “What if you are working exactly where God wants you to be” or something to that effect. It might well be what I heard and not what he said, but the message was good so I held onto it. The message was related to the life we live as Christians and the witness we are to those we work with. I do not feel I was a good witness because the only interaction I had on a daily basis was with our 2 dogs. How can I be the light on a hill if I am under the basket of my own home? I get out after work and move through the community, but I do not want to be a part time Christian.

It is now midnight and I am tired.  I am not going to proof read this, so please give grace for any errors or ramblings. I am not here to impress or entertain, I am here to share what is keeping me awake tonight. This is only part of what is happening in my life right now, but the other part(s) will have to wait for another night.

In Christ,

Wayne

“but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect,” 1 Peter 3:15 (ESV)

First let me confess that I sometimes (more times than not) struggle with both gentleness and respect when sharing my faith. I feel the reason for my doubt is because I take too much of the responsibility for the salvation of others upon my self; as if I have ever done anything, at anytime, to save anybody. The facts would support the position that I think it is something I will say or do that will sway them to accepting Christ. In that moment, I have forgotten the Gospel, gift of the Holy Spirit and the life changing work done in my own heart to become a salesman of salvation thus negating the sacrifice of Christ on the cross. I am working through some material written for the discipleship of new believers and was triggered to confess to you all by writing this blog:

(Matthew 16:13-17)
 Now when Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, ”Who do people say that the Son of Man is?” And they said, “Some say John the Baptist, others say Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” He said to them, ”But who do you say that I am?” Simon Peter replied, ”You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” And Jesus answered him, ”Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven.

As I sit here and think about that piece of scripture, the words of Jesus Christ exclaim and remind me that I am not responsible for the salvation of anybody, not even myself. My responsibility comes from the Father, by seeking the truth in scripture and helping others understand what is asked of them once they’ve accepted the gift freely given to us. The truth of Gods love, clearly foretold through Old Testament prophecy of the birth, life, teaching, sacrifice, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ as documented in the New Testament.

It is my struggle with sharing Jesus Christ with others that will cause me to sometimes wrestle with the idea that I may not actually believe in Jesus Christ enough to be saved. Maybe I did not really invite Him in to change my life, maybe I did…and that is where I stop. I did and I live (most days) the tangible evidence that cannot be denied: Joy.

I hope this season, regardless of your opinion of ‘the holidays’, finds your heart filled with joy and life filled with meaning. I am not here to offend, but if that happens then I must reflect on what I’ve done to cause the offense. If it is because I’ve forgotten who God is and who He expects me to be in word or deed, I’ll make amends. If I’ve offended anybody as a result of proclaiming Christ as Lord or sharing scripture, I have to leave that offense where the ‘offended’  finds it because it is not mine to fix.

I am willing to struggle with anybody who has questions about Christ, but please do not expect me to have all the answers: God provides the answers. When in times of selfishness and pride, I find myself standing on one leg with my arms in the air saying “I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m out of control and I need help”…grace abounds and help arrives. Thank you Jesus.

In Christ,

Wayne

As we were looking over the menu, Peter had said something about buying his dinner to which Kristina and I told him we would like to pay for his meal. Kristina explained that when she was a young lady, her older friends would pay for meals and just asked that she do the same in the future for somebody else. Peter seemed OK with the concept and the discussion of money at our table was finished, or so we all thought.

It became apparent that God had not put his .02 cents into the conversation.

Kristina and I had decided to get the “dinner for two” and Peter ordered the full rack of ribs. As we sat talking, a lady none of us had ever met before approached my wife and said “this is going to sound weird”. She said “I was told to give you this money. I don’t know why or for what purpose, but you need to take it.” I was speechless, but had to force myself to remain so. I wanted to speak up and share the outreach we do, but I was ‘moved’ to just sit back and watch the exchange: it wasn’t intended to be my conversation. Peter was paying close attention to the exchange and started to motion like he was going to engage the lady until I motioned for him to hold on.

Kristina explained that the “donation” would go to feeding the homeless on Sunday morning, it is what we do money that finds it’s way to us. The lady looked at Kristina and countered “I’m not sure that’s what this money is for.” She then said something that indicated that we needed to use this gift as a blessing for us. She did tell us that God wanted us to have it, and at that point I allowed myself to relax and just let this woman minister to my wife.

After few minutes, our table exchanged “Thank you” and “Good Night” with the woman and her husband. Kristina handed me a $50.00 bill and I put it in my pocket. We all discussed the event for a while, how none of us had ever experienced anything like that before. Our food arrived and we continued the evening with conversations about music, friends and life in Tucson.

The our server brought our check to the table, I have to admit I was a bit taken back to see the total was $50.15. Again, we all marveled at the blessing that we were able to witness that evening. I had to wonder what God was telling us, and if it was even the same message for each of us at that table. I am still processing and praying about what happened, at the very least I am convinced that God doesn’t always need to show up only when we need Him. It’s almost as if He ‘dropped’ by our table to bless our time with Peter or to remind me Who really picks up the bill. Praise Jesus.

It was a wonderful and very unexpected evening, one that provided a story worth sharing. We serve an awesome God who reminds us He is there in extraordinary ways in our everyday ordinary lives.

In Christ,

Wayne

I thought about the question for a brief moment and then responded: “We do not make the difference: God does.” Where the answer is true, and I knew it to be true at the time I spoke it, I was unsettled that I could not support the statement with more than my ‘child-like’ faith in Christ. I call it a ‘child-like’ faith, because more times than not I believe what I am told by those who are considered wise and educated in all things God. After all, they have degrees and I barely passed my GED.

As I began to research in the bible study software “Logos”, I was given the first step in finding the beginning of an answer: Philippians 2:13. I was going to look to James 2:14-26, and that is a good portion of the answer it’s but not where the answer begins.

As a man who strives to be as linear as possible in word and deed, a man who believes and pursues the “black and white” answer model, I have to admit I struggle with being honest with myself because of my own pride. It is when I lose sight of Christ that I begin to think that “I” am making a difference on Sunday mornings. In the short term, the span of a few hours, I want to believe that I am making a small difference to help a person in need with food or warmth from clothing. Think about the timeline for human history over the last thousands or millions of years, depending on what you believe: am I really making a difference with a muffin or pair of socks? Wow, did I really try to pull the whole ‘timeline of human history’ angle for an answer, you’re right: too cranial. Let’s look at the numbers, because numbers do not lie.

Spending time in the park each Sunday morning, we’ll see an average of 80 – 85 people on any given Sunday over the span of a month. Some weekends, the number is as low as 60 and others the head count is over 100. Compared to the most recent numbers I can find that give any indication to the number of homeless in Tucson are from 2010 from the Tucson Pima Collaboration to end Homelessness website, my contribution is minimal at best.

During the 2010 calendar year, 7,812 unduplicated individuals utilized homeless services at some point during the 12-month period.  Of these, 79% were adults and 21% were children under age 18. Those accessing services during calendar year 2010 were 64% male and 36% female. The numbers reflect only individuals who utilized homeless services, which does not include the undocumented men and woman who will not go near a shelter or food bank. Just using the numbers of individuals who utilize homeless services, I am reaching barely 1% of the homeless population: Am I making a difference? No.

But that is not the answer I am looking for either. I know in my heart that it is not I who is making the difference, but He who is at work in me. I found Philippians 2:12-18 speaking to the beginning of the answer in my heart:

“Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.

Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.”

If it is God who works in me, both to will and to work for His good pleasure, then it doesn’t matter what I do and only that I respond to His call to action with joy in my heart. I do work out my salvation with fear and trembling on a daily basis, some days I have more fear and trembling than others.

With the foundation of my efforts being God, it now appears He is making the difference as He sees fit…in His perfect timing. This however does not relieve me from doing what I am called to do in regard to Sunday mornings: provide food and clothing to the disenfranchised of Tucson.

Here is where I look to James 2:14-26:

“What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

 But someone will say, “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe—and shudder! Do you want to be shown, you foolish person, that faith apart from works is useless? Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered up his son Isaac on the altar? You see that faith was active along with his works, and faith was completed by his works; and the Scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness” and he was called a friend of God. You see that a person is justified by works and not by faith alone. And in the same way was not also Rahab the prostitute justified by works when she received the messengers and sent them out by another way? For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith apart from works is dead.

I am called to exercise my faith at the park on Sunday mornings and at the Gospel Rescue Mission Men’s Center one evening a month. Trust me when I say that I have no preconceived notion that my friends and neighbors I share time with at those events are looking to me for a life changing experience. I’m just a guy handing out a muffin, reading some scripture and being as transparent as I possibly can about who I am.

In Christ,

Wayne

I am looking to provide our friends who live outdoors with some warm articles of clothing to get through the winter here in Southern Arizona. Old blankets, jackets, sweaters,  gloves, sweatshirts…just about anything you won’t be using this winter would be placed in the hands of somebody looking to stay warm.

So tonight was my fourth effort speaking at the Gospel Rescue Mission Men’s Center, and I’ve learned that I really need to work on my idols of approval, control and self reliance. I thank God for the opportunity to speak and for providing these men patience.

I spent the last two weeks reading everything I could find about Gideon, who is used by God to deliver Israel from the oppression of the Midianites around 1190 BC. The story unfolds in chapters 6 – 8 in the book of Judges. I was excited to dig into the story, I had heard of the ‘Gideons Bible’ but had never read the book of Judges so really had no clue who the guy was.

It all started at an Iron Sharpens Iron event in Denver, CO. I was introduced to the story by Pastor E. Glenn Wagner, who was the closing Keynote speaker at the event. He was passionate as he told the story of Gideon and how God used him to liberate them from the oppression of the midianites.

I came away with what I thought was a passion for reading the story to discover that God had another purpose for me, and I am grateful for the way He loves me and teaches me as He walks through this life with me.

I prepared notes for my time with the men, detailing the cool pieces of information about the geography, the family of Gideon, his place in the community, what he might have been thinking about when face to face with the Angel of the Lord, what he was doing in the time he shared with God. I had 4 pages of cool notes about the Midianites, Amelekites, followers of Baal and the men who came to aid Gideon in his quest to defeat the army which was preparing to decimate the land for the eighth straight year.

God saw fit to help me remember what I already knew: the bible is the story of God. My notes wouldn’t print…and my need for approval, control and self reliance raised up and sent me into a tail spin. “How am I ever going to be able to speak to the men without my notes?”

I tried running the nozzle check and print cleaner on my printer 3 times, wouldn’t print. I printed the document to PDF and sent it to my phone…way too small to read. I was running out of time so I prayed for God to help me.

I arrived on site and took my place at the front preparing to speak to the men. I had remembered a blog post I found on the Third Option Men website that spoke about ‘the moment before the moment’, you can read it here: Two Minutes. I was in that moment.

I opened my bible, put on my glasses, looked up at the men and confessed my idols. I explained to them that God revealed these idols of approval, control and self reliance to me. I then explained that I was going to read the scripture, recount what God wanted to be to remember and try to stay out of the way.

God delivered me from the hands of my oppressor: me. God gave me everything that needed to be shared and I left it all out on the floor. I was led to close with one last confession of sin, and I cannot remember the segue used. I am still reeling from how personal it was to share what I did, so much so that it will have to wait for a later post to explain my feelings.

At the end, there were a few men who recounted they had heard the story before but there were some new things revealed in my telling. I wanted to ask “Really, like what?” but it did not matter. Another ‘moment before the moment’, and I was given what I needed to deny myself for taking the credit and instead Praised God and thanked them for their feedback.

Please continue to pray for me regarding these idols.

In Christ,

Wayne

I wonder if all men have a time where they realize they are “that guy”. The one who may be considered a little ‘too tightly wound’ or ‘no fun to be around’. Last night, I (once again) figured out that I may be that guy…at least in the eyes of those involved in last nights stunt. I took my beautiful wife to a Wildcats Football game. For us, it was the first football game we had seen this season. I had decided earlier in the year to not support the NFL with my time or money (NFL Lockout: No More Football for me) and instead purchased a 3-pack of tickets for Kristina and I to sit in the stands at Arizona Stadium.

October 20th, 2011 will be a night to remember for a lot of people. For the UA Wildcat Football Program: a stunning victory (UA 48, UCLA 12) and the end of a losing streak. For Jace M. Lankow, an undergraduate in UA’s College of Agriculture and Life Sciences: the creation (or possible expansion) of a criminal record and up to 1 1/2 years in jail for a class 6 felony. For the fans in attendance: the spectacle of watching Lankow run 1/2 the length of the field while tearing clothing from his body.

In the first video below, the broadcast of the game on ESPN, which shows Lankow entering the field while blowing a whistle from the top of the screen. In the second video, you’ll see the amateur video taken from the ZonaZoo section by one of his friends/classmates. Start the first video and then start the second video 6 seconds later, they will not be exact but close to the same timeline.

(I suggest listening to the sound from the ESPN broadcast and muting second video)

I have to admit that, at first, I laughed when it happened…after all who does it hurt? 3 minutes later I was not entertained as I started to think about those affected by the actions of one person who, at the very least in that moment, lacked vision for his life. Jace Lankow’s blast radius was huge last night, and it’s impact yet remains to be fully measured. As reported by Anthony Gimino in his “Wildcat Report” at tucsoncitizen.com: “He was led off the field in handcuffs and charged with a class 6 felony, which means he’s facing a maximum of a year and a half in jail if he has no previous felony convictions.”

As I researched the consequences of a class 6 felony, I found the minimum sentence is 6 months and the maximum is 18 months. At 23 years old, his prank could wind up following him around for the rest of his life. All he wanted to do was have some fun, get on TV, impress his friends, and make a college memory that he could share with his kids and grand-kids. In fact, he achieved all of the above and now must pay the price. Hopefully the price will not be a felony that hangs over him, and from what I’ve read he might still have a way out if the court deems him worthy.

According to a blog posted by Karl A. Mueller (an Arizona trial lawyer), in his article “A Class 6 Undesignated Felony Offense, also known as a ‘6-Open’ in Arizona” I read the following:

“What is a class 6 undesignated felony offense? A class 6 undesignated felony offense, is also frequently referred to as a 6-open felony. In Arizona, at the time of sentencing for a class 6 felony offense a judge may leave the offense undesignated. This means that the offense has not yet been designated a felony conviction.”

“The State or court agrees to leave the offense undesignated. If you do everything you are supposed to do and successfully complete probation, the offense may be designated a misdemeanor thereby avoiding the serious consequences having of a felony conviction on your record. This creates a strong incentive to successfully complete probation and ‘earn’ a misdemeanor. The interests of the State are served because if the individual does not take advantage of this opportunity to prove themselves on probation, does not successfully complete probation, does poorly on probation, or commits another offense, the court may then designate the offense a felony.”

“In Arizona, the ability of the court to leave an offense undesignated is a valuable tool available to the court to create great incentive for probationers to do well on probation. It is also a last chance and valuable opportunity for those facing felony convictions to have the ability to prove to the court that they deserve to carry on with their lives without the burden of being a felon.”

I honestly hope Jace is provided the chance to reduce the charge to a misdemeanor and complete his degree. I could not find anything that indicated what consequences the University of Arizona might impose on him. I would hope that they would seize this opportunity and allow him to return on the condition that he serve the football program in some capacity, including in the condition that failure to complete his service to the program would revoke his right to attend UA. However, I am always looking for a way to help a man regain the honor lost when he experiences a momentary lack of vision. Every man, at some point in his life, has made a mistake that seemed like a good idea at the time.

Regarding the blast radius that impacted a couple of the players, specifically Arizona’s Shaquille Richardson and UCLA’s Taylor Embree. It’s not clear that Jace’s actions directly influenced the altercation between Richardson and Embree, at worst it provided an opportunity for things to get out of control on the field. Even if Jace had not been on the field, there is no guarantee the fight between these two could have been avoided. It is understandable that the UCLA players were very frustrated with the events of the evening, seeing they were down 42 – 7 when Jace hit the field.

Perhaps the officials were distracted long enough by the prankster to allow Richardson to verbally poke Embree about his team’s performance. Maybe Embree called Richardson’s character into question about the events that prevented him from attending UCLA last fall (UCLA dismisses three incoming freshmen football players accused of theft). When you think about how the prank was executed, it certainly could have contributed to the fight. Jace stopped the play just as UCLA snapped the ball, with all the players pumped up and ready to do what they are trained to do then to have the carpet pulled out from under them: It’s like putting out a fire with gasoline. Nobody can say for sure he’s responsible, however if he had not stepped out on the field it would be clear that he did not contribute to the melee that ensued.

The blast radius expands even further as it is being reported that more suspensions are likely once league officials review tape of the incident. Arizona and UCLA could each lose players to suspensions for next week’s games, which with the season Arizona is having is not great news for the program or it’s players moral.

I was sitting with Kristina next to a younger Hispanic father who was there to watch his son perform in the half time show, it was a wonderful display of music and dance to celebrate National Hispanic Heritage Month. As best I could tell, it looked like 50 or more high school age young men and women. As I spoke with this man about the performance, his son’s face appeared on the giant scoreboard. What a moment for him and his son to share, and I can’t help but wonder what impact it had on him to watch a 23 year old man escorted out in front of him in hand cuffs not 10 minutes earlier. Jace would have been close enough to this young man to see his face, you can see it in the second video as he’s escorted off the field. “Make sure you study hard and get a good score on your SAT’s, you’d hate to miss out on all the fun you’re going to have in college!”

I know…I know, I am the old fart with a stick in my ass. However, if it is a choice between having a stick in my ass or my head up my ass…I choose the stick every time. It may be uncomfortable, but I can still see where I’m going and what needs to get done. I can still see 5 minutes into the future to the consequences of my actions. I don’t have a choice about having a vision for my life because I know what my blast radius is and it is more important to serve those I love regardless of what others think of me. Jace traded serving all those people under the guise of a college prank for an alleged $40.00 payday…

It Doesn't Have To Be Fatal!

and another victim falls to Rectal-Cranial Inversion Syndrome.

Wayne

To say I enjoyed reading the article seems a little creepy, however I did feel encouraged by Josh in what he shared. The topic of addiction is addressed in our church on (what I consider) a regular basis, and always in the context in which it is addressed in this article. I suffer from this addiction and through open confession to my wife and my accountability team, I have been able to experience the healing and forgiveness God provides for me in my sin.

Josh sites the statistics of men afflicted with this addiction and makes a comment that “While some churches have talked about it through Porn Sundays, I’m not sure we’ve done enough about it.“   As a man who has attended a good number of churches in my lifetime, I can’t say that I know what ‘enough’ really is. I can say that Revolution has done what I needed by providing me the freedom, opportunity and encouragement to seek the help with the men in my community. In my opinion, the responsibility is not on the church to do more: it’s on the man.

Man up, ask God for help, trust in Him to provide what you need, invest time in the word and seek accountability. Filtering and site blocking software, where extremely helpful, only provide for the physical reaction to your heart condition. In my case however, the sin happens before I even look at a porn site. It is my heart that forgets that through Christ I am free from my addiction and it is my heart that betrays God and the bride he has given me to pursue the selfish desire. On my accountability team, we look for the triggers and deal with them. It’s like having a leaky water pipe in the foundation of your home and instead of addressing the leak, you build a thicker foundation to prevent the leak from seeping through…but the leak is still there.

A major part of the problem is that men today have been programmed to think that they need to be isolated from one another and that to ask for help is a sign of weakness. Coupled with the lifelong brainwashing that prevents us from asking for help is the need to look like we have it all under control. It is an easy manipulation for the enemy to engage a man’s pride and confuse us regarding who we were created to be.

I had to resist a deep desire to place several scriptures to support that we need to not do it alone to help you understand the power of men bearing each others burdens and holding each other accountable. I’ve been given something else to provide to you the help you really need, also from Josh’s blog post: “your husband is a broken, sinful person who is in desperate need of the gospel.” You don’t need me to site scripture: you need the gospel.

Without the gospel driving the time you spend with anybody seeking help for this (or any other addition), you are not prepared for the battle you are stepping into. Have you the full armor of God? I know most of the time I do not “gear up” near enough and struggle continually with reading from my bible on a daily basis. I need to change my attitude about the time I spend investing in the Bible. It is for my protection, the protection of my family, those I serve Sundays at the park, Thursdays at the GRM, Saturdays at church, and so on.

If you are part of the 80% of men who struggle with sexual addiction, man up and get help. I can promise you that you are not fooling everybody by keeping your wrestling match a secret. At the very least, God sees what you are doing and has provided through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ a life of freedom, but it is going to take some hard work on your part. You have to pick up your end of the load, but I promise that there will be others who will help you carry it once you get it up off the ground. If they do not make themselves known, give me a call and I will do what I can.

In Christ,