Solitary Men

Hello my friends,

I do not have a long beefy blog to post today, just wanted to let you know where I am and that I am struggling. I read an article just a few minutes ago here about the pain men feel when they are forced to figure life out on their own. It mentions one mans struggle with finding help, and that has broken me wide open. Not sure I can rest even though my shift has been over for almost an hour now.

I was blessed to have my dear brother stop by last night and share with me his struggles. We did not find immediate solutions, but we did discover some good stuff about what needs to be done to get there. When we had finished talking he rested on my couch and slept for a while. My wife and I prepared the guest room for him while he slept thinking he would stay. I woke him up and he proclaimed he needed to go home. Even though we knew he would be going home, we were able to convince him to stay for dinner. Last night was a blessing, to spend that much time with him is always a blessing. I cannot share what was discussed because we share a commitment of confidentiality between us. The author of the blog linked above wrote of a time where he struggled and could not find the support he needed. I wish I had known him then, I would have shown up because I feel that is what I am called to do.

Helping men become better men to improve the lives of children, husbands and wives.

In Christ,

Wayne

Men of Integrity: Hunters, Providers and Protectors

“Hunter: 1. A person or animal that seeks out and kills or captures game
2. A person who looks carefully for something”
“Provider: One who supplies a means to maintain life”
“Protector: One who protects; a guardian”

On a very basic level, those are the primary tasks that should define a man in his family and community. The era where that was true seems to have been replaced as we have become an “evolved” society where those qualities have been lost, forgotten or disregarded in the lives of some men. In the most primitive of cultures, those primary building blocks of integrity and character are poured into the male children from early childhood. In the Aleutian Eskimo culture when a boy killed his first seal or caribou, it would be celebrated by a ritual distribution of the animal’s meat. The entire village would celebrate by sharing the kill, marking when the boy was able to secure the resources to feed and clothe himself and a family. He would only take a bride when it was proven he could provide for his family. That would be measured by the men in the community, not a self diluted idea of thinking “if I fall, they’ll bail me out”. There are similar stories for the Polynesian Islanders, tribal Africans and Australian Aborigines, each culture found archetypal ways to initiate their boys into the adult community, building community and the foundation of being prepared to do what needed to be done for the family and community at large. In American culture, there are individualized “Rites of Passage” as well. Some of these are not as significant or carry as solid a message on how to be a contributing member to society, and might not even have a socially redeeming quality to speak of. For example: my father provided my brother with a Rite of Passage at the age of 21 when he took my brother to the Playboy Club in Los Angeles, California. They sat and talked, had a drink together and shared time. That was something that I never got to do with my father because the Playboy Club in Los Angeles had been closed before I reached the age of 21. You can imagine how I felt completely ripped off to not get my ritual…more importantly, I did not get moved from “boy” to “man” by my father through a ritual. Even though this “ritual” was shallow in regard to the objectification of women, it was still a very powerful experience for my brother. Our father had passed to my brother what had been passed from our grandfather to our father, the keys to being a man. My father and I shared no event for my 21st birthday, instead I went to a club with some guys from work…actually, it was not even a club more than a bar in a bowling alley (ripped off). I will be taking Brendan to Los Angeles for his 21st birthday. Not to visit Disneyland or hang out at the beach. He and I will go over the history of our family together. Where I lived as a child and adult, which will include where he lived. Where I was born and where he was born. We will also take a boat ride out from Channel Island Harbour to show my son where my fathers ashes were dropped. We will share time and stories and I am sure he will see his father.

Men are leaving their boys to figure it out on their own, and we are becoming more and more lost with each generation. That is not to say that all men are lost, there are many fathers who still take active roles in the lives of their children. In the case of those men who are looking for something to spark them into action, there are several “guru” type people out there that will allow you to experience you “Rite of Passage” for a fee. I attended, participated and completed the Sterling Men’s Weekend and my life is better for the time and money spent getting to and through that weekend. I believe the Lord brought me to the Weekend and that brought me to the Men’s Division where I would meet weekly with my “team” to continue the Weekend in each other’s lives. It was there I gathered, in part, the information I needed to be the husband I am today. My father taught me (through his life experience) a few things about being a husband and father, but that only happened through live interaction once a weekend every month and for a couple of months one summer I went to stay with him while he was living in Las Vegas. The most important place I learned to be a husband is from God through the bible. Oddly enough, the lessons I learned from watching my dad, stepfather, other men I respected and at the Men’s Weekend all rolled up into what the bible taught me. I discovered other types of men’s retreats in the time I have been struggling on how best to serve families; they even have one near Tucson I found at www.malespirituality.org that I have decide to pray about. There are things I see that I really like, and then other things I read that cause me to think I would not care for it. I looked over the application and was not influenced either way, with the exception that it indicated it would not apologize for its “Judeo-Christian heritage” while “images and ritual are used from other religious traditions”. Where not apologizing for the Judeo-Christian heritage (big plus), the part about involving rituals from other religious traditions seems to be the deal breaker for me as I cannot participate in anything that might dishonor my God.

I find it disturbing that men in our society do not live up to what we are created to do. I try very hard not to judge because I know that does not help most men. For me, when I feel judged by another man who claims to be trying to “help” me, that guy can pretty much be assured that he is only going to be met with “pride” when trying to reach me . If a man, with the context that communicates he cares for (insert important issue in my life), then carefully rebukes the failings he sees and offers to walk with me to find out what God wants from me as a man, I tend to be more open. I work very hard to be the guy with the right context even though that is still difficult for some when I treat a man like a man. I was not a big fan of being treated like a man when I was younger, and not for a long time as I grew older. I wanted respect but did not live a life that warranted such treatment. I tried to bluff my way through life, trying to convince myself (and others) that I had all the answers. Problem with that is I started to believe my own BS and surrounded myself with people who would constantly cosign it. My life has been a work in progress, and I am very happy with the chapter I am in now.

I have learned that a man needs to live his life by a set of terms; a man’s terms define who he is. I am sure this will not appear as being fair for some, but this is how strive for integrity in my life:

1. I will have no term that defies or denies God.
2. I will surrender to God and His will for my life. I will ask for help.
3. I will not be drunk or take any recreational drug.
4. I will be transparent because I should do nothing I have to hide. Through transparency I will ask for and seek to help others.
5. I will strive to live my life above reproach.
6. I will accept responsibility for my mistakes, short comings and failures and do what is within my power to put things right when I do wrong in the eyes of God. I will ask for help.
7. I will be slow to blame others for my challenges or frustrations. I will not be a whiner.
8. I will be honest and truthful with myself and others.
9. I will not be afraid to look at myself and see what needs to be changed in my life. I will ask for help.
10. I will honor commitments and keeps promises. If I say I will be there, I am there. If I promise to do something, it gets done. I will ask for help.
11. I will care about the work, the mission, the product and about a job done to the best of my ability, and not just about what I personally will gain in terms of money, recognition or advancement. I will ask for help.
12. I will mind my own business and not be given to gossip.
13. I will be an example to children by demonstrating who I am as a man through action and not words alone. I will ask for help.
14. I will not engage in battles with weaker opponents; I will forgive others and recognize my own need for forgiveness. I will ask for help.

Along with the recent additions as mentioned in my posting Men of Action.

15. I will totally commit to what I believe, and I will risk all that I have for those beliefs.
16. I will always make it crystal clear where I stand and what I believe.
17. I will always be easy to find; I will be at the center of the battle.

I know what you are thinking; “that is quite a list” and “you are setting yourself up to fail”. I struggle with a number of these items and where I struggle, I will ask for help. I do not want to struggle with them alone any longer, which is why I post them here for the world to see (actually, the 16 people who seem to occasionally view my blog). There is not a day that I do not struggle with one of these terms, but this is who I strive to be in my life because my wife deserves a man like that to love her and take care of her. My wife is very capable of taking care of herself; she did it for 40 years before we were brought together. What I “provide” for her and “protect” her from, is whatever she asks for, as long as it is within the design God intended.

“If you are not living on the edge, you are taking up too much room!”

Who’s with me?

Men of Integrity

My life is about to become a lot more complicated and tremendously simple at the same time. Last night was the final partnership class at Revolution church, a class that my wife and I were late for because we are down to one vehicle (at least that seems to be the most functional explanation to divert attention away from my lack of commitment and planning). Now I can go into the reason why we are down to one vehicle, which appears to make it acceptable to be in the position of being late. Truth be known, I did not give my best to ensure that I was on time for that class…and that should be unacceptable to me.

This Saturday morning I will be meeting with another man from my church. What I am going to bring to this meeting is my desire for a return to higher standards. I desire to help create a safe place for men to come, to both teach and learn from other men. Applying the logic of Ecclesiastes 4:9 the “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work”, it makes sense that three and better than two and four are better than three. Men meeting together to discuss their lives and get real about their struggles, need to know they have a safe place to go. What has always worked for me is the company of men who I trust, and trust is not something I hand out like candy on Halloween. My trust is given to a point and after that point it must be earned. When a man is not afraid to tell me something he knows will make him look bad because he feels I will not judge him or turn him away from me…I trust that guy.

It is my intention to be on time for our meeting, because his life is important to me. He is a father and a husband, the lives of his wife and his children are important to me. Do I think I am bringing anything that might make his life exponentially better? As a matter of fact I know I am bringing something that will improve his life; I am bringing my heart. So the wheel spins back around and once again I will apply the standard that early is “on time”, on time is “late” and “late is unacceptable”. I am returning to a context definition of being on time: To be in the designated place, at the designated time and ready to go. Here is the trap for me in dealing with others when I have such a high standard for myself, when I am rigid about my time I become intolerant when my time is treated as unimportant or disregarded by others who are late. I also have this inability to cover up or hide when I am bothered, the coming months should prove to be very interesting. There needs to be grace as well as standards, oh the stretching and learning is going to be wonderful.

The primary scripture I align with for keeping commitments is Matthew 5:37 “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”  If you say you are going to be there at 6:30, then you should show up at 6:25 to ensure your word is not return as void. I say show up at 6:25 to take care of both my word being above reproach and to ensure that I am ready to go at the time I need to be there.

One thing that really gets under my skin is when I double book commitments and try to use the excuse “well, I am just over committed”. Just by simple reasoning that is not possible because if I had been committed to the first item on my calendar, I would have never added a second item to my calendar causing a time conflict. Again, to say I am “over committed” is an attempt to divert attention away from my lack of commitment. Some people are late because they simply don’t have enough time to do everything. The only way to change this is to stop doing so much. Do you have a problem saying no? Do you honestly think you are the only person who can get the requested item done? Take a good, long, hard, honest look at what you are making commitments to do and determine the items to which you are truly committed because they are important. What guideline should be applied to determine your commitment? I cannot say for anybody else other than myself: I need to be connected to a higher purpose to know which commitments are for something greater than me or if my intention is to make myself look or feel greater than I know I am. If I am seeking a selfish fulfillment in what I am doing maybe that is not as important as something else that serves others.

I have been accused in the past of being inflexible with my view on life, and that has been true in the past. I try to be as Black and White about as many things as possible in my life. I would not say that making my life simpler makes my life any easier, as I get a lot of push back and “what if” scenarios when applying the B/W reasoning. I like to live a “no problem” life because I strive to find solutions to issues.

I had more to say, but I am feeling a need to pray and seek council before I start typing something that might be read the wrong way. What this world teaches men about who they need to be and how that is distorted into self serving rationalization is so wrong and hurtful to those who suffer around them…I find it that I am sick to my stomach at times.

Who’s with me?

Cats in the Cradle

“Cat’s in the Cradle” is a 1974 folk rock song by Harry Chapin from the album Verities & Balderdash. The single topped the Billboard Hot 100 in December 1974. As Chapin’s only #1 hit song, it became the best known of his work and a staple for folk rock music. This song haunts me as a reminder to the nature of my relationship with my ow father, and also to a point with my own son.

My father was not around much when I was a young boy. I believe my parents divorced when I was three or four years old. Ido not have an exact timeline and the only point of reference I do have is my brain surgery when I was 4 years old, I don’t think they were together at that time. I remember my father would come visit me in the hospital and make me laugh. It is difficult to write about my father as I do not want it to appear that he was not a good dad, he was a great dad in all he did and did not do. My fathers career of choice was Property Master for the motion picture and television industry. The Property Master is the person responsible for all the “props” used during a production. A prop is anything that is not structure or wardrobe that can be manipulated by the actor. For example, If an actor is portraying a police officer the pistol is a prop but the holster would be considered wardrobe. When I was very young, he worked primarily out of Samuel Goldwyn Studios on programs like Barnaby Jones and Cannon. When I would go to visit him on weekends, he would sometimes take me to the studio and I would meet his friends and get to walk around on the set. He would also take my brother and I camping, to a Dodger game or to the Santa Monica Pier for a little fun. I remember going to visit “Stage 9″ with my father, which was an industry bar next door to the studio and is there I learned to play pool and shoot darts. It is also where my fathers “drinking buddies” would allow me to win and taught me the finer art of bar room wagering, those guys were fun and gave me a lot of money. I never remember my father being drunk in front of me when he needed to be behind the wheel, and I can tell you that I do have quite a few points of reference for knowing the difference.

Dad was typically late for everything and there were times he would not show up at all. I know it sounds like the plot of the after school special or movie of the week, but that was not always bad. On occasion, he would show up after a hard night of hanging out with his buddies smelling like beer. I am sure it was not always done this way, but I remember my mother and step-father (Ron) would open our home to him. He was allowed to stay the night and visit with me in our home, I believe that is where I learned to have such an open and accepting relationship with the mother of my son. There was one time my father was running late, very late, and Ron was taking his children Horseback riding. I was invited to go with them and as we were preparing to leave my dad arrived. What I remember most was my father kneeling down and speaking to me. He was face to face with me and I was very upset, I loved horseback riding and wanted to go but I also loved my father and wanted to be with him. William Daley Jr. looked into my eyes and told me it was my choice and that if my choice was horseback riding that he would be happy to wait for me. I remember that feeling of being empowered and I also remember choosing to go with him and pass on horseback riding.

After Roberta and I separated (and subsequently divorced) I was not always there for Brendan. Even though he lived no more than 20 minutes away, I would have trouble showing up on time…and I am certain there were times I did not show up at all. I had seen the lesson taught to me by my dad, and if I had remembered how it felt to be in that situation I would have never been late. I got better at being there but not until Roberta had remarried and moved to Tucson, Arizona. I would travel from LA to Tucson to see the Brendan for a weekend, but I feel it was not often enough and that evolved to Brendan flying to Los Angeles from Tucson to visit me. That lasted about 4 years and then I finally “woke up” and realized I was not happy being that far away from my son, so I moved to Tucson in November of 1999. There was a tremendous amount of termoil, pain and disappointment that caused me to move to Tucson, the process occured of several months and almost every area of my life in Los Angeles losing it flavor. I moved too late and missed out on some very precious time with Brendan.

As Brendan turns 20 years old today, I would like you to know what an amazing man I see. I am very proud of the man he is now and the man I see him becoming, and I try to let him know that every chance I get. He understands commitment to others very well, especially to friends and family. He has a heart for children, they see it and they flock to him sometimes to the point of him being overwhelmed. He has a great sense of humor and very disarming charm, both of these used with the skill of a brain surgeon. He speaks highly of his father…when his father is out of range of hearing. It is way more fun to mock each other when we are in the same room, or team up and mock somebody else. He pursues spending time with his father even with his busy schedule, and that means the world to me. With us both having busy schedules and moving in different circles, it is important that I make an effort to spend time with my son.

Not sure where this is all going. I was just hoping to reveal a little bit about myself and how I feel about my son. One of the greatest gifts I get from Brendan is a deeper insight to how to the love and pride my own father felt. The time of teaching has now become bi-directional as I learn things from him. I pray for many years together and the continued gift of communication so that he has no doubt how I feel about him not only as my son, but as the man he is and strives to become.

Happy Birthday Brendan. I love you and I am very, very proud of you.

Your Dad.

Men of Action

Two nights in a row, I am excited to see what is going to happen.

In the heart of each man lives a warrior, which is why we are so moved when we watch movies like Braveheart. We want our lives to stand for something pure and honorable, and kick some serious ass fighting for it. There have been many books written by several authors that speak about the hearts of men. Great men looking to inspire others to reach beyond themselves, they seek to challenge men to be more than drones in this life. The only one that comes to mind for me is “Wild at Heart” written by John Eldridge. I started to read the book, and even attempted to join a study group for the book several years ago at Pantano Christian Church. This group was designed for men to explore…well, I am not sure because they lost me when it was all talk and no action. Sure, we watched a video of men taking action and then talked about our feelings. By the way guys, I am not against talking about my feelings but I need to be connected to them before I can talk about them. When I bellied up to the coffee bar only to find the last maple bar has already been eaten I was disappointed, but it takes a little more than that for me to get worked up. My mask is not going to come off in a room full of men I do not trust, I have to KNOW at least one of those men are going to go there with me; that they’re masks will be coming off as well. I have seen the power of men being real with each other in a secular environment and can only imagine what would happen if that same focus were placed on Christ with that level intensity.

I went to a Promise Keepers event at the Tucson Convention Center  here in Tucson, and it was a great time. I got to see the Newsboys and hear some very powerful speakers talk about how they determined who they were, how they determined what God was calling them for and how they needed to change and follow Christ. Words without any REAL tangible emotion poured out to the crowd for two days. There was no interaction between the men in the crowd outside of the “turn to your brother and tell him you are a sinner”. Type of thing. I need actions without words, I feel that as a man I am genetically coded to understand the guttural noises of a man when he is celebrating, morning or ready to kill something. I have evidence to the fact that men can handle this because I have heard all of those noises come from me in the presence of men I trust, and they did not throw me away. That was something I was looking for at Promise Keepers and that did not happen much to my disappointment. True that I was not “physically” alone at Promise Keepers when I wrote my sins on a piece of paper and nailed it board where a picture of Jesus Christ was on the back side. Once we were done the picture was revealed and it was explained that my sins pierce Christ even today. A powerful statement and moved me…at the time. But where was my “band of brothers” for me to experience this with? That was action, but I did it alone and continue doing it by myself. I am not getting help exploring and challenging those barriers from anybody other than God. Now, this is not to say that God cannot take those barriers away, because He has done that with many things in my life. What I feel God wants from me is to enlist the help of other men. These men struggle with the same day-to-day temptations that I do, even the struggle is not with the same barriers the struggle remains the same.

I am still trying to figure out how to make this happen, and I am getting some serious push from the Boss around this passion. He is bringing men out of the woodwork for me to spend time with while telling me “You are man enough to make this happen, and you will not have to do it alone”. My fear is that this will not happen because it is going to be time away from my distractions, it is going to cost me something more than money and I am going to have to be ready to trust on levels that the ordinary life does not afford opportunities for. According to the social measures we have today, men just are not real with each other on a level where they can take up a banner and fight the good fight. What is considered “socially acceptable behavior” and who I am at the core of my existence are in constant conflict. I praise God for bringing me to Revolution Church, because the men there seem to be the exception to the rule. I feel the men I serve with are willing to go there with me, I can feel it in my gut. Revolution church is a church where a man is challenged to be a man for God, his wife and children and the community. Men of Revolution are not the buttoned down “Mister Rogers”, cookie cutter welcome mat cartoon Christians. When the “wolves” come looking for trouble at Revolution, you can bet they will find it. That is a blog for another day.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 is a very powerful statement for the value of a friend. I may read this differently now than when I first heard it used in my wedding ceremony. True, my wife is my companion but I think this section of scripture is also suited for use between men. “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labour”, this is true whether the two are both male, both female or a man and a woman. Here is the part that makes me feel strongly that this part is speaking to men helping each other “for if they fall, one will life up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.”  I want to help men up and need to be helped up when I fall. It is going to happen because I am an idiot, not meant to degrade or demean myself…it is just there are times I do not see answers when they are right in front of me.

I am going to start reading Romans, and not the normal “gee, I need to be in the word so let me spend 10 minutes chewing on the pages”.  There is some very powerful stuff in this book and it is directed towards all believers, but I believe Paul to be laying it down for the men of the Roman Empire. This is where Christianity exploded and spread like wild fire through the world. The same place where believers in Christ were sent into the games and killed for sport, or just outright executed for their beliefs. I think it was stated best in a small study book I have had for several years. “Being God’s Man by walking a new path” by Stephen Arterburn, Kenny Luck and Todd Wendorff explain it like this:

“The apostle Paul wasn’t a military man, but in spirit he was a warrior for God. He was tough and uncompromising. He held to a code that defined his life. He lived on purpose, not by accident.  If you choose to become this kind of man, made new and unwilling to compromise, then let this great apostle lead the way. In 1 Corinthians 4:16 Paul said, ‘Therefore I urge you to imitate me.’ Will you do it?.

I was speaking to my wife tonight while driving home, and we were listening to a song called “Whiskey Girl” by Toby Keith, where in the lyrics he exclaimed that he likes girls with rough edges. This brought a conversation if I knew any girls with rough edges in the time before my walk with Christ or being married to Kristina and what might have caused those rough edges. I said that I did but was never attracted to those girls for fear of my life, because they might kill you if they got mad at you. I further explained that I never invested any time to find out why they might have “rough edges”, it just wasn’t who I was at the time. Now I am willing to invest the time , but in a different way. The time should be spent helping men understand who they need to be as a father, husband, brother, son or benefactor for a woman and children according to design God intended. If men had a place to learn about that plan, there would be far less women with rough edges in my opinion.

Make no mistake ladies and gentlemen; I am who I am for God, community and families even if the only place I do my work is among the men.

I loved these when I read them in “Leadership Secrets of the Rogue Warrior: A Commando’s Guide to Success” By Richard Marcinko, so I have adopted them as terms for my life

I will totally commit to what I believe, and I will risk all that I have for those beliefs.
I will always make it crystal clear where I stand and what I believe.
I will always be easy to find; I will be at the center of the battle.

Who’s with me?

Are You Man Enough?

A funny thing happened today, just like it has happened on several occasions over the last 10 years: My heart broke for men who are lost in their lives. I am used to my heart breaking for children, I asked for that to happen when I prayed to have my heart break how God wants it to be broken. This is not to say that my “heart condition” is of my own doing, that was a gift God gave to the life I had before I decided to try and surrender to Him. I say it like that because on some days, it just feels like I do not surrender. I just find a new and cleaver (only in my mind) way to convince myself that I have surrendered without doing what He has called me to do. I am an idiot, it is just that simple.

I spent some valuable time with a man from my church today. We spoke about a great many things, one being accountability. I was very impressed and deeply moved that this man asked me to lunch so he could share his desire for accountability in his life. A man can only hold others accountable when he is willing to be held accountable himself, yet another area where I have a large amount of experience but rarely volunteer for the job. Then I was given Proverbs 27:17, and then the breaking happened: “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

We live in a time where many husbands, fathers and brothers are falling way short of who they need to be and what they need to be doing in their lives, while others are finding great success and contentment in their roles. What determines who is successful and who will struggle? I would say the man who does it alone will have the greatest chance of failing his wife, children, family, employer and community and I should I know because I have been that guy more than once in the past. I was blessed to be the son of my father, he was the greatest man I ever knew but I did not learn that until almost 6 years after his death. I felt it my entire life but did not understand why because the only things I could ever see were his perceived “failures”. Now I am a father to two grown men and I think about my Dad often as I try not to repeat the lessons he taught me. I learned how to see things differently regarding my father from another man by the grace of God.

So here is the news: It is my intention to build a community of men who love and trust each other. I had such a network/community back in Los Angeles, but that was easy because I was invited in after it had already been established and thriving for many years. I was sent to the Men’s Weekend with 250 other men, none of whom I knew when the weekend started. After 3 days of intensity, I knew many of the men there and to this day can still call on quite a few of them for help. Since 1995, I have sent many men to the weekend one as recently as last year. The issue for me in being a Christian is I cannot, in good conscience, send unmarried men to the weekend. To explain why would be breaking a commitment I made when I did the weekend, so I cannot say anything else.

So here is where I am challenged, am I man enough to start building the relationships needed to make this happen? I hate sharing myself and revealing who I really am, it is terrifying to risk being thrown away by a man because he does not approve of me. It revisits the feelings I had before I was able to forgive my father and see all the wonderful things he taught me, it makes me think I would be made to feel like a child again. Oh well…look like I will have to lean on God even more than I do.

This man and I will be having our time together once a week. We will begin to build the trust needed hold each other accountable to our  commitments. The first thing that I feel should be discussed are standards. I know this is something I need to be doing.

I know I do not blog often, but I think I need to start blogging more (yeah, I’ve said that before). Perhaps I should make a commitment around it and embrace the consequences if/when I fail. This should be interesting.

In Christ,

Wayne

Trials and Tribulations

Well friends…the dream job (part time job) did not happen. No response to my resume from the potential employer, so back to the grind I go. I did have an opportunity to speak with a man who runs an accounting firm here in the Tucson area. I asked him for feedback about my resume, he said the format was excellent but the content was not something he would consider for a position as a bookkeeper.

Here in Tucson the market is saturated with people who have excellent Quickbooks skills. Given the Intuit Call Center for Quickbooks support is here. Actually, when a regular customer calls Quickbooks they are connected to a qualified support rep somewhere other than Tucson now…the only team left in Tucson is the Accountants Team I believe, they speak with the Pro Advisors and accountants with support plans. This information is about 3 years old and things may have changed at Intuit. I support other accounting software with another company not based in Tucson.

For me to think my Quickbooks experience will land me a part time job is a little short sighted. I need to widen my perspective to see what other jobs are out there. I was given great feedback on my resume, invaluable in helping me grow. The man who provided the feedback felt bad for seemingly “dashing” my hopes. I respect him for being able to tell me the truth about what he saw and did not see. He also expanded and gave me a few pointers on how to dress up my resume with integrity.

So the title of this article started off being trials and tribulations (in the event it has changed, I felt it important to share that). It is a line from a song that runs through my mind whenever I here either of those words. If I hear them together you can bet I will hum a few bars or even spit out the opening to the song “The Last Supper” from “Jesus Christ Superstar”. That has no bearing on anything I am writing here except to say what I perceive as trials and tribulations now will pass soon and I will be onto a whole new batch of trouble, as it has always been.

The Diligent Prosper

As part of the plan to be debt free, I have decided to seek a second job.  Not planning on leaving my first job, instead I am looking to expand my work hours by 10 – 20 hours per week. The same day that my wife and I had decided this was something we should do I found a job posted on Craigslist.

• Currently the assignment is approx. ten (10) hours per week.
• Quickbooks experience is required, and knowledge of other accounting software is helpful.
• Excel experience is required, and Word experience is helpful.
• The successful candidate must be able to work well in a team environment, as well as independently.
• Tasks include making bank deposits; analyzing client accounts for accuracy in posting bills and receipts; bank statement reconciliations; generating quarterly payroll tax returns; generating monthly Transaction Privilege Tax (Sales Tax) returns; generating checks from Accounts Payable input; generating 1099s, W-2s and W-3s at year-end; and other accounting tasks as needed.
• A portion of the assignments may be performed from home, if desired.

You can imagine how surprised I was to find this waiting for me this morning when I arose early to read from Proverbs. The passage I read this morning was Proverbs 6 and found inspiration to fall back on what has worked for me in the past. As long as I can remember living in Tucson, I worked two jobs. I had no debt to speak on before getting married because I bought things with cash…I had no choice as my credit was terrible.

The sudden increase in credit score from buying a house provided an old familiar path to financial ruin, but as providence would have it I was re-introduced to Dave Ramsey through a three week series at Revolution Church (where Kristina and I attend and serve). Now we are commited to changing our lifestyle and becoming a debt free household. It is time to create a new legacy for my family.

In Christ,

Wayne

Self Preservation under the law in Arizona

Recently on my FaceBook profile, I posted my opinion regarding a nationwide handgun ban (not sure if one is being proposed, however I feel it is only a matter of time under the current administration). I also offered the question “Where can I live in the lower 48 where Permissive Open Carry and Castle Doctrine still exists you ask?” and answer “I say Arizona is the place to be. Where the old west still lives and is allowed to protect itself.” I received a response from my “good father” Al, I call him my good father because it is an appropriate title. He is the father of my friend (and ex-wife) Roberta, has been and continues to be a good man with a great mind. He has been the spark for many good conversations and introspection, and so now you have this blog posting…thank you Al.

Al posted the following comment: “Course, the other way to look at it is … if it requires a handgun to feel safe in Arizona, maybe that’s NOT the place to be. (I’m against a nationwide prohibition on handguns, but I won’t own one and I won’t live where I need one to feel safe.)”…please note that he is not objecting to what I posted, he is encouraging additional avenues of thinking on the topic. I love Al Tommervik as if he were my own father and feel honored that he would take a moment to post something to my profile page.

Now, on to the meat and potatoes of this blog posting… “A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.” is how the Second Amendment reads. To quote Robert J. Cottrol, a professor of law and history at the George Washington University and author who has written numerous books and articles in support of the right to bear arms, “There is probably less agreement, more misinformation, and less understanding of the right to keep and bear arms than any other current controversial constitutional issue.” I am in support of this right for defense of one’s “life, liberty and pursuit of happiness”…as long as that happiness does not infringe upon another persons similar rights.

The second point to my post is regarding Arizona Senate Bill 1145, passed in 2006. This bill put the burden of proof for criminal activity back on the state, saying that those who shoot someone in self-defense are to be considered innocent until proven guilty, rather than the other way around. Prior to SB1145, if you were sleeping in your house with your children in the next room and an unknown person forced their way into your home, threatening the safety of your family, and you felt compelled to use physical or deadly force to protect yourself and family from this person…your nightmare had only just begun. You could be charged with assault, manslaughter or murder by the police for protecting your family and self. If charged, in order to claim “self defense” you would have had to enter a plea of guilty before the court. Once a plea of guilty had been entered, the burden of proof would be placed upon you to prove your innocence (causing “innocent until proven guilty” to be tossed out the window). Additionally, you were then subject to civil filing from the family of the intruder regardless of the verdict in the criminal proceedings.

This type of law, sometimes called “Castle Doctrine”, is commonly reffered to as “Stand Your Ground” and reinforces the right of lawful citizens to protect themselves and others against deadly attack with no duty to retreat from anywhere. Where Castle Doctrine is limited to protecting yourself in your home or vehicle, Stand Your Ground allows for use of physical or deadly force anywhere the person have the legal right to be, that is a very broad statement open to wide interpretation which is why I choose to limit my interpretation of the law to something closer to Castle Doctrine. In my opinion, “Stand your ground” reminds me a little bit of one gun fighter calling another out into the street. The difference is that today, only the person being called out could claim self-defense and not worry about criminal charges. Castle Doctrine is an American concept adopted from English Common Law which states one’s place of residence as a place in which one enjoys protection from illegal trespassing and violent attack. The concept that one’s home is his/her castle is where the name “Castle Doctrine” is rooted. In Arizona it could be argued in court that the legal right to defend oneself is not limited to a home and vehicle.

With the passing of SB1145 (and SB1149 – applicability; self-defense) a citizen can claim “Self Defense” without fear of prosecution if use of physical or deadly force is needed to protect one’s life or the life of another person. The law clearly states “NOT LIMITED TO THE USE OR THREATENED USE OF PHYSICAL OR DEADLY PHYSICAL FORCE IN A PERSON’S HOME, RESIDENCE, PLACE OF BUSINESS, LAND THE PERSON OWNS OR LEASES, CONVEYANCE OF ANY KIND, OR ANY OTHER PLACE IN THIS STATE WHERE A PERSON HAS A RIGHT TO BE” when the perceived threat is within the following guidelines.

• Right to use deadly force: If you have a reasonable fear of imminent death or great bodily harm. In some cases, the “reasonable fear” is presumed if someone attempts to make a forcible and unlawful entry into your residence or vehicle. A person is justified in threatening or using both physical force and deadly physical force against another if and to the extent the person reasonably believes that physical force or deadly physical force is immediately necessary to prevent;
  • arson of an occupied structure
  • burglary in the second or first degree
  • kidnapping
  • manslaughter
  • second or first degree murder
  • sexual conduct with a minor
  • sexual assault
  • child molestation
  • armed robbery
  • aggravated assault
• No duty to retreat: The law reinforces your right to “stand your ground” when attacked, rather than attempting to flee your own home, place of business, vehicle or other lawfully occupied place you have a right to be, provided you reasonably believe force is necessary to prevent death or great bodily injury.
• Immunity from criminal prosecution: In cases of justifiable use of deadly force, law enforcement will generally investigate and may not arrest you unless they find probable cause that the force used was unlawful. One situation to be aware of, if the person has a legal right to enter the property, lethal force may not be used to prevent their entry UNLESS an order of protection (or similar legal restriction) has been issued by a judge to keep them from entering that property. You would be well advised to know the law prior to firing a weapon to protect yourself against any “intruder/assailant”.
• Immunity from civil action: In cases of justifiable use of deadly force, the family of the “intruder/assailant” may not legally gain compensation through civil action, and may be required to pay attorney’s fees and court costs from bringing such action against you.

Stand Your Ground does not protect you if:

• You are engaged in unlawful activities: If the home/property/vehicle is being used to conduct criminal/illegal activities, you may not invoke your right to self-defense under SB1145. To have the law on your side you must be a law abiding citizen. The law does not protect criminals during commission of crimes.
• You provoked the confrontation: The “Castle Doctrine” defense may not be available to you if you provoke the confrontation. Again, the law is not on your side unless you are acting as a responsible law abiding citizen and not inviting danger or a life threating situation to arise.
• Domestic violence exceptions: In the event that a restraining order has been issued against you by the “intruder,” or the “intruder” is a lawful occupant of the residence, the presumption of fear of death or great bodily injury normally available for home protection may not apply. Do not readily place yourself in a position of danger and be sure to familiarize yourself with the law to know how it is written to protect you from harm.

Just for the record I need to state that this should not be considered legal advise by any stretch of the imagination. This is simply my interpretation of the law. I would strongly encourage any person looking for the legal application of SB1145 & SB1449 to speak with an attorney. If you feel you may need to defend yourself in your home, the first thing I would encourage you to do is to seek new residence. If that is not possible, be sure to have the phone number for a qualified and competent criminal attorney and be familiar with the laws that offer protection to you as a law abiding citizen.

I am very proud to live in a state the allows it citizens to protect themselves under the law. Where I do not feel the need to own a handgun (our home protection starts with two family dogs and is supported by knowing my neighbors) I do not want my rights to be taken away from me either.

United States Library of Congress: Gun Ownership and the Supreme Court

Arizona State Legislature: Senate Bill 1145

Arizona State Legislature: Senate Bill 1449

Royal request for help

My wife, Kristina, volunteers every year to serve at a Royal Family Kids Camp. This year she will be serving in Denver, CO. with a dear friend who is running the camp up there. Royal Family is the nation’s leading network of camps for abused kids.

Over 3 million American children are reported as abused; physically attacked, emotionally damaged, sexually molested, or severely neglected and it is most often by the people they have loved and trusted the most. At camp they get to experience a week without fear. They get to be loved for who they are. They get a week of activities; dress up, wood working, horseback riding, basketball, arts and crafts, baseball and music. Although I have never served at a camp, I get to hear about experiences (without specific details about children identities as they are strictly confidential) and my favorite thing is the birthday party. Nothing tells a kid they are loved like a party. A first time camper may have his or her first real birthday party experience because there is one day where it is every child’s birthday. It is overwhelming for me to think about the joy the child feels when they receive a Birthday Box with their name on it. They get to have cake, laugh and play with other kids who are having the same experience as well.

The kids who come to camp are kid’s being cared for by foster families or social services. Social Services departments refer children to faith based camps when two criteria are met; namely, that no child is coerced to accept any particular religion, and that the foster placement program, foster parents or other caretakers are given a voluntary choice. Royal Family Kids’ Camps meet these two criteria. Although each camp counselor and staff member is a committed Christian, the camps do not proselytize, and no religion is ever criticized or denigrated.

Now that I have pulled on your heart strings a little it is time to let you know what we are doing. Our house is gifting a cash contribution (separate from the cost of travel for Kristina) to the Royal Family Kids Camp in Denver. They are about $4,000.00 shy of the amount needed for camp this year and it costs about $650.00 to sponsor one kid for the week, that is roughly the cost of 6 kids getting to experience unconditional love for a week. Our $250.00 will help but it is just not enough. I am asking for you to check your heart and your wallet, if both are willing and able it would be greatly appreciated if you could write a check to “Royal Family Kids Camp”. Any amount you can give goes towards a child being able to relax for a week would be greatly and deeply appreciated.

You can contact me directly for information regarding where to send the check. I may be contacting you directly to ask if you read this post. I am not a fundraiser by nature but now by choice I feel it is the right thing to do.

Thanks for your time,

Wayne Daley